Sustained Clarity

My mind is clear and somewhat settled. I am lost and searching and happy and confident which is showing in the work. Below is a recent finished painting.

Collated Experiences Oil on canvas over panel, 2013. 

I have been working towards my solo exhibition at HallSpace (December '13) since March. As of two weeks ago I am now also preparing for a March/April '14 solo exhibition at the Carol Schlosberg Gallery at Montserrat College of Art in  Beverly, MA. Whoop! Turbo mode. 

Thanks for reading sweetheart,

Bea

Progress

I am really happy about what has been going on in (and out of) the studio lately.  I had a great studio visit yesterday with the director of HallSpace where my solo exhibition will be this December and have two more visits lined up for next week. I'm not sure I am ready to share photos of finished works yet, so here is a quick shot of the studio to give you SOME visual proof of productivity.

Up, up and away,

Bea

Feeling Inspired

(Bagan, Myanmar*)

I had a great conversation with a good friend the other day. It wasn't necessarily an easy one, but I left it feeling optimistic and inspired and set on being the best person I can be. I wrote down four pages of notes to remind myself to hold on to those feelings. Below are some excerpts that, days later, resonate the most: 

Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. (The acronym H.A.L.T is used by individuals trying to cope with substance abuse, but I think we all can learn a little something from it.)

Call people.

Write more, read more, think more, paint more.

Be more giving of your talents.

Keep some happiness to yourself, but share some too.

Practice patience and loving kindness.

Don't stagnate. 

Stop making excuses.

Be honest.

I told myself I'd have a brush in hand by 12:30 today and that hour is fast approaching. 

Hugs and kisses,

Bea

*I can't believe I actually got to experience this in person. 

(Some of) My Brain Lately

I am lucky to have a lot of friends and acquaintances who are creative and I have been really appreciating and admiring that creativity lately. They don't all make things, but they all live and think and problem solve creatively and come up with projects they want to do in their spare time. They make me feel like a sham. 

I miss throwing piles of wood around and dragging pieces of garbage to the metal shop to take them apart and put them back together again in a different way.

I like that building my own stretcher bars and stretching my own canvas makes my hands and knees hurt for a week. 

My fingers used to bleed because I drew so much.

Next time I need a bookshelf I am going to build it. I think I needed one a couple of years ago, but the piles of books and magazines haven't started falling over yet. That'll be my indication. 

I do have plans to strip and refinish a metal cabinet I found in the trash and I am in the midst of "renovating" a room in my house.

The things I am most interested in are things I haven't figured out how to discuss out loud.  I'm quiet a lot and stare out of a lot of windows and up at a lot of ceilings. 

I've been writing lyrics that give heavy, heavy nods to some of my favorite songs.

Birds don't care about my problems...neither do waves. I look to both when I am feeling discouraged. 

I've been recording myself beat-boxing in the car about my name and where it came from. 

A friend asked me to be in his superhero themed art exhibition and I said "no I don't think my work would fit." He totally schooled my closed mind and gave me a brilliant idea. I wish I had said "yes, of course I'll be in your awesome art show" the first time around instead of the second, I just needed to do a little research. Lesson learned.

I love being devoted to paint, and don't think I have much of a choice, but when I go home at night I want another creative endeavor. I do like to write - I need to do more of that (this).

I like watching others work together to get to a magic spot. I want to start working on projects with other people. Like a band. 

I'm a ramblin' gal, and you're a patient reader.

Love,

Bea

My Life.

Stare, paint, stare, paint, cry, paint, paint, nap, paint, watch sunset. Below are all works in progress.

 

Handmade signs of encouragement on the wall:

- YOU CONTROL WHETHER OR NOT IT IS EXCITING
- embrace your tendencies
- MAKE YOUR BEST WORK TODAY*
- DONT BE A BITCH. JUST DO YOUR SHIT.

I have a fluctuating way with words.

*Advice given to Emily by a visiting artist. It stuck with her, and now it's stuck with me. 

It Bears Repeating.

The Men Who Don't Fit In
Robert W. Service

There's a race of men that don't fit in, A race that can't stay still; So they break the hearts of kith and kin, And they roam the world at will. They range the field and they rove the flood, And they climb the mountain's crest; Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood, And they don't know how to rest. If they just went straight they might go far; They are strong and brave and true; But they're always tired of the things that are, And they want the strange and new. They say: "Could I find my proper groove, What a deep mark I would make!" So they chop and change, and each fresh move Is only a fresh mistake. And each forgets, as he strips and runs With a brilliant, fitful pace, It's the steady, quiet, plodding ones Who win in the lifelong race. And each forgets that his youth has fled, Forgets that his prime is past, Till he stands one day, with a hope that's dead, In the glare of the truth at last. He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance; He has just done things by half. Life's been a jolly good joke on him, And now is the time to laugh. Ha, ha!  He is one of the Legion Lost; He was never meant to win; He's a rolling stone, and it's bred in the bone; He's a man who won't fit in. I've posted this before but goshdang that's good.

A Painter Without Her Paint: Laos

 

I should say that I am a pretty...particular...painter. I am slow. I take months to finish a painting. I find myself spending lengths of time making the tiniest adjustments to a painting to make it just right. Just so. I love the process and I love searching for that punch in the gut that happens when you nail it (rare, by the way) but it can be frustrating to work day in and day out, for hours, and not have finished pieces to show for it more often. 

The photos above, though thought about and considered, are snapshots in comparison to how long I labor over a painting. They are awkward. Angles seem off and shapes and colors are disproportionate to what I usually create in my paintings. They are mostly vertical while my paintings are mostly horizontal in reference to the landscape. I'm thinking about this discrepancy, and trying to figure out what these, and other,  tendencies mean. 

While my paintings don't look anything like the compositions above, they are helping my painting. This attraction to things being "off" is nudging me into some new territory, where I am letting go a bit, allowing things to be as awkward in my paintings as they are in reality.

It's all really, very exciting. 

Eventually, you'll get to see the paintings that result from all of this. Just you wait...I'll wait too. 

Forever yours,

Beatrice