I'm back from my jaunt in Asia. I'm re-reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke in hopes of an assisted adjustment. Below is a nugget I keep going back to. Read it slowly. I replace "write" with "paint" - you can do what you want with it.
"No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "I must," then your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature."
I've got a solo show coming up in December and I'll be painting my little life away in preparation. I'll be posting more thoughts on here along with painting developments. Hopefully you can bear it.
This is one of the best sunsets I've ever seen. Not just because it was beautiful, but because I was surrounded by people and at the same time totally alone. I learned a lot during that evening in Luang Prabang, Laos.
Hugs and kisses and bottles of wine,